Showing posts from October, 2015

Thank you!

I would just like to take a quick time out from the work I am procrastinating from doing, and say thank you to everyone for all your messages of love and support. I can't tell you how much of a difference it makes even to have someone just send a 'thinking of you' message after reading one of the posts. Don't worry if you don't know what to say - there really isn't much you can say really, but it makes such a difference (particularly at emotional / stressful times... which is all of it to be honest) to know that there are people out there thinking of us, and rooting for us.

Quick update on next steps as some people have been asking:

We have our matching panel on 6th November. Panel will interview our social worker, Tickle's social worker and family finder, and us, and make a decision whether they recommend us to be matched or not. It is possible for them to say no, but it's not very likely and they'd have to have a *really* good reason - and if the …

Talking to people who are adopting: A Quick Reference Guide

Husband and I on the whole have been very lucky to have fantastic support from our family and friends throughout the adoption process, but sometimes even the most well-meaning of people really just don't *get* it. We have read a lot of books on children in care, attachment, the neurology of parenting, parenting adopted children etc etc - obviously we don't expect all of our family and friends to have done the same, so I have provided a quick reference guide to help you navigate your way through some common 'what not to say' situations.

Example #1

We say: Tickle is very frightened of shouting.

Unhelpful response: Oh, all children are like that. Remember little Mark, he used to be terrified of hand driers, and Rosemary was always jumping at loud noises!

Helpful response: OK. What do you need us to do?

Why this is important: Imagine for a second that your child (if you have one, or any other child you know) gets frightened by something. What do they do? Most likely, seek comfo…

I'm... so... tired...

I really hadn't realised quite how draining this part of the process would be. I think, when I imagined what it might be like once we'd been matched, I had visions of us happily decorating a bedroom, and then just twiddling our thumbs until panel. Oh how wrong I was...!

(Mind you, when I look back at the whole process, each bit has been just that bit harder than the last, and certainly harder than I was expecting. I'm sure there's a lesson in there somewhere...)

Earlier this week we attended a 'Life Appreciation Day'. Whoever came up with the idea of these was an absolute genius - essentially it involved as many people as possible who had worked with Tickle and his family in various contexts, all sitting round a table eating cake and talking about him. It was *so* helpful and absolutely fascinating to hear about him from so many different angles and perspectives. We had about a dozen people turn up, from the lady who had done the initial assessment of the famil…

Birth dad

I've spent the last 36 hours in a bit of a daze. The revelations about Tickle's birth father, the case being in the national press, and that awful letter just left me reeling. I've had some lovely messages of support from friends and family who read my last blog post and rallied round with virtual hugs and a lot of jokes to cheer me up! That was unexpected but lovely, and it did really help.

I had a long chat to my social worker yesterday afternoon and she was great. All through this process Husband and I have been so well supported by her, and given some of the stories I've read about adopters and their social workers I am so grateful!

First things first - Tickle won't be shown that letter from his birth dad unless he asks to see it. There is a thing called a later life letter, but apparently this is something written by the social workers. Parents can contribute photos etc and I think they can sometimes write a letter to be given to the child later.. if I'm h…

Many, many, updates.

Oh my goodness. I've just looked back at my last blog post and realised quite how much has happened since the last time I wrote anything. Blogs are funny like that - in the early days I found myself wanting to post multiple times a day, I had so much *stuff* that I wanted to get out, and I found writing really therapeutic. Nowadays it's more about updating the family and friends who are following our journey, and to be honest I'm just too blimmin BUSY right now to have time to sit down and write a decent post!

However this evening I need some therapeutic writing. But I'm going to update you all first so you know where we're at.

Any of you who have been following our adoption saga on Facebook will probably know that everything has been moved forwards, so that our panel is now at the start of November, with introductions starting some time around my birthday (yay!) and the plan is for Tickle to move in with us around the start of December. We are absolutely over the …