Showing posts from March, 2016

Reporting back

So, today is over and done with, and my brave, kind, empathetic little man has got through it with only the merest whisper of a meltdown, a bit of a loony bedtime, and a half-hearted threat to bite me.

By this morning a tentative compromise between us and Tickle's social workers had been reached, and although we both seemed to have slightly different interpretations of it we agreed to go ahead and see what happened. The deal was that I would be there, settle T in, and if I felt that it was ok for him to be left at all then I would perhaps go for a little wander to the bar to order a drink, or an extended trip to the toilet. I'm not clear whether Tickle's social worker had interpreted this as me leaving them to go and sit at the bar, but anyway... it felt like lipservice but I was determined to play it by the book so that come the LAC review I could put my hand on my heart and say I'd done as they'd asked.

So. It happened, it was OK, and it was definitely the right …

First Contact

Tomorrow is a contact visit between Tickle and his birth sibling B. This is the first visit he's had since being with us, in fact I am pretty sure it's been about a year since they last saw each other. They were last due a contact in October but as introductions were coming up the contact with B was postponed in favour of a goodbye contact with birth parents (that actually never happened, but that's besides the point).

And somehow, despite all of this, it has been decreed that it's not appropriate for me to be there.

I'll backtrack a bit. We have known that the contact visit was on the cards for some time, but obviously it's not been at the forefront of our minds as we have been focusing on getting from day to day.

Initially we were told that Tickle's social worker would drive to our house to collect T, take him to the contact, and then bring him back. The last time that Tickle's social worker drove him anywhere it was to drop him off at foster care.. …


Since I've done a few moaney posts lately I thought I'd do a more positive one today, and document some of the changes I've seen in Tickle's play, which I find absolutely fascinating.

Cars are the obsession, the fail-safe, the comfort. It's not just cars though really, it's cars coupled with something for them to roll down. When we first met Tickle he did almost nothing else apart from roll cars down the slide on his toy garage. When he got bored of cars, he'd switch to trains, and then back again. All. Day. Long. (I'm sure there was at least one day we put things down a slope for about six hours..!)

I did notice from quite early on that Tickle wasn't just mindlessly rolling the cars, but also using them to play out various scenarios. For example, when we first introduced the idea of 'kiss it better' for bumps, we spent the next two days kissing his cars as they fell prey to a variety of mysterious injuries. He also gave his cars names, for …

Upping the ante

Well I did say I'd be interested to see how the screaming thing developed. (Is to too late to take that back..?)

Today Tickle decided that as screaming wasn't really having the desired effect he would up the ante with a good hearty slap round the face. 
We were already mid-sit at the time (second time within twenty minutes) and I had been trying to get Tickle's dinner on the table, so I wasn't in the best of moods to start with. I can't actually remember what prompted the slap - the sit was for screaming at me when I asked him not to leave all of his toys right behind the door that Daddy was due to walk through any minute, but I suspect he was taking issue with the indignity of boundaries actually being enforced, and decided to take it to the next level. I have to say I am immensely proud of my own post-slap self control, as what I really wanted to do was shove him off my lap and scream in his face; however I held it in, and instead managed a kind of strangled grow…

A tiny, tiny glimmer...

We've had a very screamy couple of weeks in our house. Tickle has been trying to show me who's boss (he thinks it's him, poor child... he'll learn eventually!) and has been screaming and shouting at me every time I do or say something that makes him cross. This could be anything from asking him to tidy up his toys, to not replying quickly enough when he asks me something, to needing to go to the toilet when he wants to play with me... you get the picture.

We have a rule in our house, that you're not allowed to shout at anyone else. Tickle knows if he is frustrated he can ask to go to his bedroom and have a good shout, and that is allowed, but he's definitely *not* allowed to shout at Mummy. If he does he gets what he calls a 'sit' - essentially a time out but done with an adult instead of being sent away from them. 
I have done a lot of sitting this week! 
Tickle has been testing to see how far I will go with it - it usually goes something like this: