Showing posts from August, 2016

I want Mum

The summer holidays have been tricky, but not in the way I expected. I had thought I would find it exhausting having to plan out six weeks of activities, filling the time, making sure we were on an outing every day, dealing with Tickle bouncing off the walls at home. In actual fact (helped enormously by my fabulous back-garden-water-slide construction skills) this hasn't been so much of an issue.

I'm finding it difficult to put in to words why I have found the holidays so exhausting, not necessarily because I don't know what I want to say, but because it's difficult knowing how to write about it.

I have been quite aware recently about the stuff I am sharing online about both my children, but Tickle in particular. The purpose of this blog originally was to help me process my thoughts, vent some of my feelings, let my friends and family know how I'm doing without having to tell them all individually, and - in a hopeful, idealistic sort of way - to perhaps let other p…

One foot in front of the other

As Tickle's social worker was leaving yesterday she said, just as an aside, that she didn't think anyone had really realised how challenging Ticke's behaviour was. It made me feel a bit better actually, as I'd been feeling like perhaps I'd been a bit naive or had deliberately ignored information about the difficulties because I was so keen to go ahead with him as a match. It has emerged that T's birth mum was pretty good at hiding what was going on at home, and in particular how much she was struggling. We get little snippets of this from Tickle, when he repeats stuff that she used to shout at him. (That's leaving aside the disclosures of actual physical violence from his father of course...)
I also wonder if Tickle's behaviour wasn't quite this bad before because his developed was so stunted, and he wasn't able to process what was going on, or accepted it as normal. Or perhaps he was just permanently frightened; from what we know of him now he c…