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Showing posts with the label Attachment Theory

Widening our vocabulary (or, The Great Attachment Swindle, part 2)

In part 1, I wrote about why attachment may not be the big deal it can sometimes be presented as, certainly in adoption circles. I definitely don't think we should be ignoring it completely, but I do think we should use vocabulary that is more specific to the problems our children may be facing, and that help us to move forward.

I ended the last post talking about trauma; below are some more suggestions for different ways of thinking about the common issues our children face.

Shame

Shame is something that is talked about a lot, particularly in relation to education, reward charts, etc. Nicola Marshall from BraveHeart Education has written a lovely blog about it, and why children can find it hard to move on from that intense feeling of shame.

If you want to go a bit further in to the science, we can have a look at Kohlberg's stages of Moral Development. (Disclaimer - theory, theory, theory. Even with the supporting research, it is never going to be a perfect answer, only a theor…

Attachment may not be the massive deal we all think it is...

I am aware that in the circles I move in this will be a contentious post, but I'm hoping that people can read it with an open mind... here we go:

I wrote a post about attachment some time ago, mainly because I was fed up with the massive mis-appropriation of the term, and the lack of understanding surrounding it. Unfortunately this sort of stuff is still being pedalled, so it's worth having a quick recap with some of the key points of what attachment is, and what it is not.

Attachment is a descriptive term which denotes a dependant relationship, i.e. the relationship a child has with a care-giver. Attachment is not a term for the relationship you have with your partner. (I have heard of people being given 'attachment questionnaires' by Social Workers to determine what their attachment relationship with their partner is like. While this may be useful on some levels to reflect on the relationship you have with your partner, and while yes, there is a school of thought tha…

Attachment

Bit of a departure from my usual style of blog today, to talk about one of my pet topics...

'Attachment' is a really fashionable word at the moment, and it's bandied around a lot in the adoption world. As a Psychology graduate with some post-grad experience as a Research Assistant in Developmental Psychology, attachment is one of my favourite topics; unfortunately during my adoption journey I've encountered a lot of mis-use of the term, and it's been winding me up. I have actually heard Social Workers dismiss attachment theory as something akin to 'pop psychology'; something they *have* to teach in the preparation groups but which isn't actually that useful in real life.

For my own satisfaction (mainly just to see if I can), and for anyone like my Husband who has been baffled by all of this seemingly-important-but-definitely-not-making-any-sense information, I'm going to try to explain attachment theory, and – more importantly – how it's relevan…